


Hatred Finds a Way

by Detavot



Series: Trying to Understand [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: #fuck sebastian 2018, Baldroy about to throw hands, Baldroy and his thoughts, Baldroy knows more than he lets on, Baldroy will have a larger role in the upcoming chapters and no one can convince me otherwise, Baldroy-centric, Gen, Manga, give Baldroy demon-killing guns plz, let's help Baldroy's cause of shooting Sebastian 'till he talks, spoilers for recent chapters, starts at the green witch arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 15:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detavot/pseuds/Detavot
Summary: As he listened to the fragile boy, he felt hatred deep in his heart. He had swore to protect the boy, to bring a smile to his face.He was determined to keep his promise.





	Hatred Finds a Way

**Author's Note:**

> Baldroy can relate to O!Ciel's trauma.  
> Finnian can relate to O!Ciel's past.  
> Mey-Rin can relate to O!Ciel's dilemma.  
> Snake can relate to O!Ciel's sorrow.
> 
> I want to cry at the beauty of these relationships.

    Baldroy, for once in his life, did not have a plan or a weapon. He was used to battle, he knew battlefields better than he knew the house he had been born in, his plans were praised as the work of a genius (until a  _certain_ commander had come along and ruined everything, but Baldroy didn't like to think about that). Baldroy had lived only to protect, only to serve, but now he could not do anything but listen to the Young Master’s screams and wails. Every sound broke his heart again and he was slowly dying inside.

    He was sitting right beside the door of the Young Master’s temporary chambers, leaning against the green walls. He had made it his duty to hear every scream, every plead, every sob--a punishment for not being able to protect one of his comrades yet again. Finnian was trying to feed the young boy, but the boy was having none of it. “I want to die! Let me die! Please, please…!” the boy begged, smashing the plates offered to him. Baldroy felt as if his heart would burst any moment, finally unable to continue with each wound these sounds were inflicting.

    Sometimes, Finnian would be unable to keep awake. That was when the Young Master was the most talkative, almost as if someone else was in the room with him. His voice was gentle, kind, and full of self-loathing. “I’m afraid,” he would admit. “Save yourself, forget me,” he would beg. “It shouldn’t have been you,” he would say. Baldroy sometimes wanted rip that tongue out of the boy's mouth.

    "I’m worthless,” the Young Master had stated one night. “Maybe it would be easier if I died. Maybe it could bring you back. Maybe I could be kind and selfless, just like you.” Baldroy had a hard time sleeping with all these words swimming in his mind, echoing in his ears with the voice of the broken Earl. Who did the boy talk to, he wondered. Maybe he talked to mindless hallucinations.

    Or maybe he talked to the dead.

    Tanaka’s eyes were in pain. He had known the Earl since birth, had been his caretaker for ten years. The eye bags on the old man’s face grew darker with each passing day, the lines of age becoming deeper and frequent. Baldroy and Mey-Rin had tried to ask Tanaka what the Young Master could have lived through that would traumatise him so much, but the old man’s lips were shut tight. Sebastian was no better, quickly changing the topic whenever it was brought up. Baldroy’s theories could only remain as theories now, with no one to confirm them, and it made him mad enough to see red at times. The butler had started to serve the little Witch and Baldroy felt irrational, burning hatred for the man who had saved him from the battlefield. Had Sebastian really saved him, Baldroy had begun to wonder. Or had he only followed the orders given to him?

    Why was the Young Master so afraid of Sebastian, now? And why was Sebastian starting to sound like he was annoyed, not concerned?

    "I’m not worth protecting,” the Earl had sobbed when Finny tried to calm him down. “Please… Ciel… he’s…” Baldroy wanted to do nothing more than take up arms and shoot down anything plaguing the boy’s mind. The boy was only thirteen, for God’s sake, why couldn't everyone (dead or alive) just leave him alone? Why couldn't the boy just give up his responsibility as the Queen’s dog and let them take care of him? Baldroy would kill every last one of these werewolves once this whole ordeal was over--even the little Witch and her dog, if he had to. He had sworn to bring a smile to the boy’s face two years ago, when he had been hired, and this was the very opposite of a damn smile.

    “Ciel doesn't want any more pain!” the young boy screamed after the werewolf escaled through the window, clinging onto Finny like a lifeline. Tanaka’s eyes had widened, pain filling them completely. Baldroy knew something was off. Tanaka’s and Sebastian’s reactions and the Young Master’s strange phrasings were connected somehow. The three, even in this desperate state, were hiding something from them. Baldroy didn't like it, but he also couldn't deny that the three probably had good reasons for their secrecy so he let them go for now. The questions would come later, when the Master was back to acting cold, Tanaka was chuckling at their antics, and Sebastian was lecturing them on their poorly done tasks. Yes, when they returned to England, that was when he would ask them. For now, though, Baldroy would kill that overgrown dog with Mey-Rin, Finny and Snake by his side.

    Sebastian had stopped them from following the menace, calming their hot anger with cold logic. Baldroy felt his hatred grow and his thoughts run wild.

    One night, Snake joined him with his ‘friends’. Baldroy had a fear of snakes ever since the… _incident_ in Arizona but he found that right now, when the Master was so delirious from the curse, snakes were the least of his worries. One of them hissed. “‘Have you had trouble sleeping?’ asks Oscar,” the newest addition to the household translated calmly. Snake had been the least devoted to their Master and had generally kept his distance until the Campania’s untimely sink. Baldroy remembered how tightly Snake had hugged the young boy when he was fully healed, and how much more active he had become in the household since then. Baldroy didn't know the details and didn't need to, he knew the reason was that the boy had proven himself a worthy master to Snake. All servants of Phantomhive went through the same procedure. 

    All except Sebastian, who had already been devoted to the Young Master.

    Baldroy chuckled darkly. “He’s finally sleeping.” He did not light a cigarette. The Young Master had asthma, the last thing he needed on top of his hysteria was the second-hand smoke from Baldroy. “He refused to sleep until Finny got in bed with him, y’know? Screamed at Finny for a good hour, begged him to not leave, until he was finally convinced Finny wouldn’t go anywhere. I… I have served him for three years--almost four, now. Has he gotten nightmares? Some. Have I had to calm him down after them? Yeah, of course I have. But this… I have never seen this.”

    Snake listened to him with unnerving golden eyes, his pupils dilated just like the cold-blooded reptiles he favoured. Another snake joined Oscar, hissing in an almost pondering manner. “‘Do you know what he could have lived through to warrant such trauma?” asks Emily.”

    “The Phantomhive estate is full of broken souls,” Baldroy stated. “I’m sure you’ve noticed. The Young Master is no different. Only Sebastian knows what he lived through and even he is at a loss as to what to do now, so I guess the boy kept most details to himself.”

    “‘There’s something unsettling going on,’ says Emily. ‘The boy speaks almost as if he and Ciel are separate entities.’”

    Baldroy hadn't noticed this little detail but now that it was mentioned, he also knew it was too odd to be a coincidence. “Maybe he’s talking to the past him,” Baldroy theorised. “Tanaka sometimes tells tales of how the Young Master was back when he was a child in every sense of the word.” He remembered the old man’s soft, gentle voice as he would tell the tales. The smile on his face would be warm enough to challenge the fire in the hearth, his eyes looking far into the past. Baldroy’s heart ached when he remembered the old man’s words.

    “‘And what was he like back then? Probably a stuck up, rich brat?’ asks Oscar.”

    Baldroy laughed. He had once thought the same. "Tanaka says he was kind and gentle. He had once wanted to leave the estate and everyone else just to open a small toy shop in London.” The Funtom Company was an important symbol for the Earl, the one thing of his past which had survived the ashes. “Can you imagine that? Our proud Young Lord running a humble toy shop in some unknown corner of London? He’d tear the city down and make it his kingdom of toys.” He grinned, thinking of how the child’s eyes lit up while testing the toys of his company or when he’d read of his company’s success. It was not a smile, but it was progress and the servants would always be present in those times to see their Young Master happy.

    Snake was quiet, his eyes looking at something past Baldroy, past the present. “I can,” he said quietly. “I can see him happy in that unknown corner.” Baldroy did not bother question which snake had said that and make the guy uncomfortable.

    They listened to the sobs behind the closed door. “I don't want them here, Ciel,” the young Earl’s quiet voice broke the silence of the night. “They’re hurting you. I don't like them. Are you dead, Ciel? Don't die, please.” Baldroy wanted to cry, he wanted to take the child’s burdens and let him breathe easily for once. “Sebastian says the dead can’t come back,” the child said, his voice cracking. “Sebastian killed you. You can't ever come back." 

    Baldroy felt his hatred _burn_.

 

.

.

.

 

    Looking at the two young masters, Baldroy now exchanged a glance with Snake. The Young Master’s words echoed in the two servants’ ears.

    _"Ciel doesn’t want any more pain!”_

_"Sebastian killed you."_

_“I was fully aware of myself. What you have seen in the past few weeks was still me.”_

    And suddenly, Baldroy realised this was the secret those three had been so desperate to hide. The secret that the Young Master was not Ciel Phantomhive, the rightful Earl. The Young Master was a twin. That was why the Young Master had been so free to want to run a toy shop, he had once needn't worry about the title ‘Earl’ or the ‘Queen’s Watchdog’. He had loved his brother, Ciel Phantomhive, so much that he had wanted his brother to live on even in death, even if it erased any evidence of the younger twin's existence. Baldroy's heart began to ache.

    “Why the outrageous lie, brother?” Ciel Phantomhive asked. His voice was gentle--only for his brother, Baldroy could tell--but it had a coldness to it that the Young Master hadn't managed to imitate even with three years of practise. “Why did you take my name, when yours was fine enough?” The Young Master’s eye was wide, genuine horror and fear carving his childish features and making him look older. His body shook with utter terror. His mouth was open, but he did not make a sound. His knees shook violently, almost threatening to let him fall.

    He was the complete opposite of his calm and collected twin who was studying him from the staircase.

    “Sebastian,” the Young Master said with a weak and quiet voice. “This is not a dream or a hallucination, is it?” At the shake of the butler’s head, the child giggled. The innocent act was more of a cry for help with insanity creeping into it. "Catch me?” he asked as he fell, his eye rolling upwards, and Sebastian was there to catch at a moment's notice. He lifted the boy up. It was silent in the hall, no one knowing what to say. Finally, Sebastian broke the silence.

    “Congratulations, Ciel Phantomhive,” the butler said with an innocent smile. His voice had a slight edge to it. The soldier in Baldroy knew that they should be running for the hills, but the servant in Baldroy would not abandon his master in this state. "For the three years my Lord and I have spent together, him fainting is definitely a first."

    Ciel Phantomhive barked out a cold laugh. “Shut up, filthy mutt, and give me my brother back. I don't want your filthy hands contaminating him any further.” Tanaka's eyes were once again filled with pain but he did not try to help the Young Master. It was up to them four, Baldroy realised with a heavy heart. Sebastian and Tanaka would not move, _those two would not help the Young Master face his demons_. 

    Baldroy’s hatred did not know where to go, but that was fine. There was more than enough for Ciel Phantomhive, Sebastian, and Tanaka to share. There was enough for everyone who tried to mess with the Young Master.


End file.
